March Passes The Baton To The New Comer.

Guess who's looking forward to a long, dull introspective on the month of March and the highs and lows? Well I'm not, so it'll have to be you then. I've got some Iron Maiden blaring out at me and my low fat mango soy yoghurt. If yoghurts could have self-satisfied, arrogant faces on them then this one would be one of the biggest pricks alive. Jesus Christ yoghurt you smug arsehole, who're you trying to impress? For all those people who may have just searched Google for 'biggest pricks' and ended up here I apologise for impeding your search for huge dicks. You'll survive.

Now for the health update since that's what I've been spending most of time on lately. I've slacked a bit with my daily walks, I have a list of prepared excuses explaining wholly why that was the case, if you're interested? Also this month I did smoke a bit and believe me I've got so much guilt it'd make a Catholics' jaw drop. Those however were the only low points of the month really. I gradually decreased my snack intake to almost nothing now. I've been eating fruit instead, never thought I'd say that. Even more remarkably I've been able to cut down on meatier things and eat more vegetables. Salads...are actually pretty good if you take away the stigma.

I've almost stopped my sugar intake as well, apart from the odd 600ml coke every few days. I'll hopefully stop that by the end of the month, but I'm not too bothered if it was even once a week or something. For the last few weeks I've become convinced that what I need to do is go vegetarian for the whole month of April, for starters. I've already been meat free for the last two days am getting more accustomed to it. Most of my diet for the last 5-6 years has been predominantly meaty, with almost no vegetables apart from the occasional onion. It's not uncommon knowledge that it should be the other way around, more veg - less meat.

I've also become so reliant on cooking meat that I pretty much don't know how to cook anything else. Time for a new mission statement!

Goal for April 2009 - #1

Become vegetarian for whole month, because; I need to reduce amount of meat I eat. Should it continue beyond this month then so be it.

All right that's good enough for starters. Time for a shake up with the daily goals I think. I've decided to add one new goal and alter another. 'Research/Work on project' will now be 'Study externally from home', I think that with that change of words I could get more work done and get out of the house more. Let's see if that's all it takes. My new daily goal is to 'Work on Hey Rain site' because I've been quite slack in that department for the last few weeks. In fact that would be a good monthly goal as well.

Goal for April 2009 - #2

Complete first draft of the Hey Rain web site.

The final change I want to make to my daily goals is that I want to reduce the time limit from six days to five days. That's all it is ay, set goals, set time limits and then slowly reduce them. In March I stuck to the six day limit very well and only accumulated $14 owing rather than the $20 from February. I think I could reduce it again in April, bad news for the charities, good news for me.

I shaved my head the other day, I don't know why it took me this long. When you're going bald it's time to give up the dream of hair. Yet I still get worried looks in the streets, seems no matter what I do some people are going to look at me as if I were a possible Jack the Ripper. Can't be helped, I mean I do enjoy disemboweling low-end hookers, who doesn't?

The other high point of March was that I made it through the whole month without any need for alcohol. Didn't touch a drop and I'm going to be openly proud over that. My old ideas that you alcohol improves any situation have almost completely vanished. In fact I'm enjoying being with people sober now, it feels a bit more real I guess. I do have the odd cravings every once in a while though, only to be expected. Feeling confident I can make it another month without succumbing. The little bottle of Jack Daniels that Carmen gave me for my birthday sits on my shelf undrunk, a constant reminder of what I've left behind.

So what's April all about? Probably more of the same really, constant battles with the past and becoming more active. I've got that Administration course in a few weeks, will probably know more about that soon when the lady from Sarina Russo contacts me. Despite my feelings towards the course I know that it'll actually help a lot in landing some part-time admin work. But that might be in May, I'm pretty patient now. That'll be ample time to decide on whether I'm up for uni next semester, whether I should wait till next year or not think about it for the time being. That can be:

Goal for April 2009 - #3

Inspect uni courses, find out my current enrolment status at UQ. Gauge my emotions.

It's nice to get another one of these out of the way, the final steps of March. By the way thank you to everyone who made my birthday extra special this year, I really appreciated it. April ho!

Andy Scott

It's Updates You Want, It's Updates You Get!!

It hasn't been an eventful week, not exactly what you want to read at the beginning of an entry. But you'll keep reading on the off chance that I was exaggerating how uneventful the week was. After all I'm no stranger to the whims of tedium, I know how it goes.

I went to UQ on Monday with a two-headed mission, an Hydra plan? I've been trying to think of places where I'd be able to get some work done without the joyous distractions that come with staying at home. I always assume that if I can get myself to a place that doesn't have films or the Internet then I'll be able to focus on what I think I need to do. The truth (as it always turns out to be) is that you could stick me in the middle of the desert with a notepad and I'd still complain of all the distractions. "I wonder how many of these grains of sand are touching each other for the first time?" I'd be able to get my work done if it wasn't for all that damned sand!

So I guess there's another thing about myself I have to focus on changing. It gets kind of frustrating at times, part of me wants to spite myself by intentionally being an arsehole whilst sculling a bottle of JD and gorging on Maccas, puff, puff, choke. It's all I can do to stop myself from tearing out what little remains of my hair. But those moments are brief, thankfully.

The other reason I went back to UQ this week was to see how I felt about being back on campus and whether or not I'd be interested in returning next semester. I cringe a little, but I think that's because I associate UQ with some of the more painful memories of my life. UQ never did anything bad to me, I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to be there. I don't know if I am now either. As I said I'm easily distracted by whatever happens to take my fancy, I haven't much will power to stick with something I don't want to do...unless I'm being paid for it of course. If I was waged to attend university I'd be one of the best students ever. If only I could somehow convince myself that Youth Allowance was a wage, perhaps that's it.

Next semester is something like 3-4 months away and I should still be enrolled so I'll just have to do the ol' wait, see and enquire. It's difficult to manufacture excitement because I keep remembering how I was two years ago, all giddy about getting into uni and how it was going to be my ticket to everything I ever wanted. I need to feel that way again without getting too down on myself for past mistakes.

Quick puppy break!

That hit the spot. Unfortunately gotta get back to the real world, a world that despises puppies and their little faces for all they stand for. Went to Sarina Russo yesterday for an appointment, Centrelink had informed me of it last week. The lady I met with told me it was only meant to be a phone contact, she seemed pretty annoyed about it in fact, chill lady! Then she got up me because I apparently should have known to bring my resume in. Wonder what must go through her head that she can justify being annoyed at someone for not doing something they weren't informed about. Besides I wasn't meant to come in anyway, so why would she care about my resume?

Funny thing is I wouldn't have been annoyed if she hadn't been, I would have had a laugh and said 'it doesn't matter, I had nothing better to do anyway.' Instead I had to be defensive. When I first met this lady last month I had a vibe, I felt very uncomfortable around her, like she was going to cause problems eventually. I don't think I'm imagining it and I don't want to blow it out of proportion either, but she hasn't been that pleasant to me the few times I've seen her. I don't think I did anything to provoke that either. You have to be careful around people like her, they'll get you into trouble out of spite and the one thing I don't need right now is trouble with Centrelink. Eggshells and soft soled shoes.

I agreed to go to Business Administration training course, which goes for about a fortnight at the end of April. I had a look at the course info with her and thought 'what the hell'. Could get a little piece of paper to help me get some part-time work in admin. When I got home I had a closer look at the info and all I could do was laugh at how absurd it actually was, then I got angry. Check out what it part of it says -

Prior to the program, participants should be able to:

• Start up a personal computer.


• Navigate the desktop environment.


• Organise basic directory and folder structures.


• Organise files for use and/or organisational requirements.

It is as basic an admin course as you can get and do you know why? Because admin is fucking simple! You don't need a certificate in Business Administration to do the work. At most you'd need a week to get adjusted and that's if you'd never used a computer before, that's if you'd never heard of one. Are they trying to become as important as other industries that actually need prior study and experience? It's fuckin' Admin, it's about as difficult as retail or hospitality. They're shitty jobs you get until you can get something better - if you can get something better. There'll be degrees eventually. It always reminds me of that Powerpoint course I took where there was an entire chapter dedicated to 'clicking the mouse'.

Guess how much the course costs? You'd be bang on if you said $1,400. $1,400!!! For a week of learning how to use Microsoft Office and preparing resumes? It'd probably be cheaper to buy a computer which came with Microsoft Office and just use the help option. How do they justify $1,400? Are there people out there working an even shittier job trying to save up that money just so they might get into admin? That's the same price as TWO subjects at university. Unbelievable, and they wonder why unemployment is high... Fortunately I'm on Centrelink and with Sarina Russo so I get to do the course for free, which is about as much as I think it's worth. Oh but I'll probably have to pay it back at some point. It really pisses me off. Applying for work should not be that hard.

I think I could get a whole rant out of that at some point, but for the moment I feel sated. Feel pretty damn good actually. Have to apply for a few jobs right now and then get into Centrelink so I can hand in my form. The situation on job websites like Seek or Jobsearch.gov is getting kind of bleak. They don't put as many new jobs as they used to. But it should pass, hopefully.

Brother received notice yesterday that he's getting the $950 stimulus payment for being on Youth Allowance whilst being a full time student. I think this is the second round of payments, the first being for parents with children going back to school. There may be more, a quick search would find the answer. I won't lie and say that I don't want $950 for myself but I'm not too bothered if I don't get it. I've had a month or so to get used to that idea after all. ha ha.

You hung in there, good on you, stand up and get some blood flowing again. I'll be back again in a day or two with optimism flowing from every pore to give my impression of March and what I hope for in April. Good day to you all.

Andy Scott

The Wandering Furry Thing.

The cat returned for the second night in a row. I don't know what it wants. I named it Catface, it's my go to technique for naming animals. It gave the kind of mew that it was clearly distressed over something. But I don't speak cat, it's like trying to figure out what a baby wants when it's crying. That first night I tried both food and water, probably unwise, but you don't just shoo away a potentially starving creature. It didn't partake, the ants did though. There's always the possibility that it was just a loud mouthed thing, nosy about why I was outside. It kept waiting near the door as if it expected to be let inside, I do have my limits. Part of me hoped it would come back again, what does that say about me? I like the idea of a wandering cat, goes where it wants and isn't worried about manners. Perhaps I took a shining to is because it's living the sort of life that appeals to me.

Too bad my Homo Sapien ego won't allow me to become inspired by some homeless feline, lousy standards... Hmm, just thinking how easy it'd be right now to go into some self pitying rant, good segue way for it. But I'm content, things are going well if a little slowly. Becoming adjusted to that speed now, but it can be frustrating. You rush it and there's a high chance you'll get it wrong. Slow and steady wins the race, finally got the moral of that story. Have fun with the elections tomorrow, well I need to get excited anyway. It doesn't feel important, but if I knew more about what went on behind the scenes I know I would change my opinion on that. By the next elections I plan on knowing exactly what that might pertain. Night all!

Andy Scott

A Few Days In A Few Pavs.

Being uncapped are often the best two to three days of the month...to be on the Internet anyways. I've already caught up with most of Stewart & Colbert's madcappery, comics they may be but they seem to be my main source for current events lately. Not that there's much new to report...financial disasters when all I want to do is keep my head warm in this convenient pit of sand, political wankery and a few tragic murderous rampages...don't even begin to suggest to me that 'guns don't kill people', because technically neither do fists...

Where was I...well in my last post I mentioned that I was heading to Red Cross to donate some sweet scarlet, that's the brand name I've given my blood. I was hoping this time that the wait to get inside would be shorter since I've previously completed all the paperwork and been issued a card. They do the best with the limited resources they have though. It's been noted that only 1 in 30 Australians donate blood but I have to wonder if they could handle an increased surge of good will. The reason it takes so long you might have guessed is that it takes about 15-20 minutes on average to fill the little bag with blood, with four beds to a mobile blood centre you can do the math yourself...(hint, it takes a looong time.) It doesn't help when your vein suddenly becomes shy when the nurse sticks the needle in and blood doesn't want to come out. Strange that. Luckily I had a second arm which, a braver arm, which I may or may not knight Sir Bleedsalot.

So I left with two bandaged elbow regions and a self-satisfied smile, one of those big arsehole type smiles. I'm not ashamed of getting some pride back from my good deeds, I think the idea that charity has to be selfless was incorrectly thrown in there at some point in history. Feeling happy or pleased with yourself doesn't mean you have a giant ego that can only be stroked with the knowledge that someone out there is walking around with your blood sloshing through their veins. What I don't do though is make a big deal about it so that's the end of it until June when I have my next appointment.

I have a few rants I'm interested in delving into On Earth, but I'm just not feeling impassioned at the moment. I just want to cook a few sausages and watch some more of Jon Stewart tearing MSNBC a new arsehole, they've no where near as many as Fox News though who are more like the Swiss cheese of the news networks the amount of arseholes those guys have. I'll get onto it soon.

Turning 25 tomorrow, a quarter of a century old, my Silver Jubilee with planet Earth even. In fact I have been noticing an increasing bulge beneath my floor boards which I've long suspected to be an ore deposit of the purest silver and should it erupt blistering liquid silver in my face tomorrow I know that I won't be too proud to squeeze out a few tears to mark the occasion. I'm not too proud of my first 25 years, there was even a time when I stated emphatically 'no regrets!' But under this new light I think I might regret a few things at the very least...yeah, just a few. Then again the point of 'no regrets!' is that the combined actions of your past led you to where ever you are now and your current state of being and I have to say that I'm content. I'm not happy with myself yet, but I am content and that's a good start. Unlike certain Roman dictators who shall remain nameless I'm actually going to look forward to March the 15th from now on, for the simple reason that I don't hate myself, that and I'm not in risk of being murdered by my closest cohorts, "Brutus...you fuckin' dickbag."

Andy Scott

Swiftly Approach The Ides Of March...What Have You?

I should really start thinking about recommending some of these albums I've been listening to. Then again it trouble enough writing tiny 'reviews' for the ones I buy from iTunes. So very briefly I recommend the following, very catchy.

Alice Cooper - Love It To Death
Dio - The Last In Line
Iced Earth - Night Of The Stormrider
Mötley Crüe - Too Fast For Love
Rolling Stones - Let It Bleed

I'll be buying those ones soon enough, might take a while actually. I've got a system set up right now where I'm only focusing on 20 musicians, that's why the same artists keep popping up on my receipt. It's not a bad system, I go over each album, decide which I like and which I don't so much. In the end I'm left with a collection of albums that I'm very fond of. But I am anxious to get on to a few other bands.

I don't like my new Sarina Russo Representative, actually got a bad vibe off them when I met them for the first time last week. The vibe was 'I don't really care about you.' Got that same vibe yesterday when I actually went up there for my off peak session. In my agreement to Sarina Russo I'm meant to go there every Tuesday from 10am-midday. I've actually been supposed to do that for three months, but as I said before I was waiting till March to look for real work. I remember one of my former Representatives spent an entire morning once with someone perfecting their resume and cover letter. That seemed like a perfect place for me to start.

When the doors of the elevator opened someone emerged, it was my rep, 'perfect timing' I though. Said they'd be back in ten. I bide my time on the computer before I noticed them come back in, I went to the receptionist and asked to see them, message relayed 'just busy, please wait about 15'. That's fine, I'm very good at waiting and understand how busy the environment is at Sarina Russo, besides I didn't have an appointment, well except that my off-peak session is technically a two hour appointment. A few minutes later they came out and sat with me, a clear sign that they wanted briefness out of this interruption. They looked over my resume for a minute before saying you could put an extra paragraph here. Fine, it's better than nothing.

I don't know when things started going wrong over there, I've become accustomed to a certain level of personal involvement from everyone I've worked with. No weening period. This is going to be very slow... I'll put in that paragraph today and put together a list of companies I'd like to work at. De ja vu.

Tomorrow I've got an appointment with Red Cross to remove some of my blood. I actually get to go to one of those blood mobiles you see round the place, this one's in Indooroopilly. Red Cross make a big deal about the fact that not many people donate blood, but they seem to be unable to handle the numbers they do have. I could have given blood again over a week ago, but every where has been booked up. That being said, I still think it a good idea for everyone to get out and give it a go. Takes about half an hour every three months, you get a free lunch plus the knowledge that you've saved two lives. Seems fair to me.

We've got an election coming up in less than two weeks, I've checked on the candidates in my area at http://www.ecq.qld.gov.au/asp/index.html. The profiles on the site leave a lot to the imagination, but if you ever wanted to know Ronan Lee's mobile number now is your chance. I think I'm going to vote for the guy, not out of nostalgia, not because he was the guy that handed me my high school diploma. But because I like the idea of someone with major party opinions having green ideals. It's a healthy mix. That and my idea of a working democracy involves more than just two parties with back and forth banter. Not expecting great deals of change out of this election, probably a good thing.

Fitness really is an odd thing isn't it... Well, fitness itself is a guaranteed thing, you do it and you will get fitter and that is the most important part of exercise, whether you can climb a flight of stairs without wheezing, or run for the train without clutching at your heart. Weight loss on the other hand fluctuates and is unpredictable. I've actually put on a little weight in the last week and I wonder if it's because I've moved up to three square meals and my body's not used to that level of digestion or if it's new muscle. Of course there's a wicked third option that I just got unhealthier somehow... Got to keep reminding myself that it's a slow process, can't combat a decade of unhealthiness with two and half months of the opposite and expect major results. Some times I do with it worked that way though, then again that would mean it would go faster the other way round too...urgh.

Things ARE good at the moment, that's an important point to remember. I've got it sweet right now, it can only get sweeter really, well as far as goals go. But the Ides of March steadily approaches, I'll be keeping a glaring eye upon it, no fear. Fare thee well...

Andy Scott

I Have To Rely On Myself? Uh Oh...

The cold season is almost here, I can certainly attest for that as this morning's walk was a tad chilly. Time for that odd time of year when it's cool in the mornings and evenings but sweltering in the middle of the day. I am discussing the weather to lull you back to sleep so I can steal whatever it is your eating right now...ssssllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppp...

On Tuesday I went to Sarina Russo with expectations of having part of my life shaken up for my own good. But it resulted in some very minor changes, which I am disappointed with. Last week my reduced work capacity went back to full-time, which means I now have to do 30 hours of job seeking every fortnight or at least 30 hours of paid work. So I thought that they'd stick me back into the intensive job seeking workshops from Monday - Friday or even a work for the dole program. I was preparing myself for that eventuality. What I found on Tuesday was that my hours had indeed increased to 30 hours a fortnight, but that was all that would change.

What that means is that it is completely my responsibility whether I get a job now. That may sound lazy, it probably is, but I've been unemployed for so long now that I really need external motivation. I was looking forward to having people at Sarina Russo telling me exactly what I need to do, help with my applications and speaking on my behalf. If I wanted to I could keep this going for at least another year, there's no way for them to check if I've done 30 hours of job seeking. In fact it would be more like 30 minutes. I don't want to do that, I want to find work, but there's a big difference between wanting to do something and then going to do it. I'm already pushing myself to the limits by maintaining all my exercise, diet, research, addictions and general behavioural defects. Is there room in there for job searching? Damnit, I REALLY was looking forward to having one area of my life where I could rely on other people for motivation and not entirely on myself, I'm not very reliable.

I guess I'll have to start working on a new plan, since my former plan for the last few months was 'wait till March and let Sarina Russo take over'. Ah wells, it'll definitely help to strengthen my character if I can manage to do it all on my own and after all I've been pretty successful so far in other areas of my life that used to lack motivation. Just got make that very difficult first step, you know the one that feels like you've been encased in concrete and entered into a marathon.

I'm hoping to get out to Birch at Indro today, it's been a while since I went to the cinema. I've fallen behind on the releases, although I will just wait for most of them to come to DVD. But I definitely want to see Kevin Smith's new work, Zack & Miri Make A Porno, being that I love both Smith and as I've only recently discovered, the incredible Seth Rogen. Of course I should also try and see Milk before it departs from the big screen. But there's a lot to do before I can head out so I don't know. No biggie! Catch you's all laters.

Andy Scott

March Of The Third Months.

Couldn't ask for a better beginning to a month really. Hopped out of bed 'round 6:30am, took a few breaths and headed out the door for a brisk walk. Everything about mornings makes you feel as if you were in a Disney flick, for some reason everyone you encounter throws an enthusiastic 'morning' into your face. Not used to that, I guess I've become to accustomed to the inattentive suddenly startled 'please don't do anything to me' expression I usually see on people's faces in the evenings. Had a few of those today as well, bit of a mix.

Everything just feels wholesome and I've still a lot of old Andy to get out of my system. There's still part of me that is confused over going for a walk in the morning, followed by breakfast, then getting onto the housework and other chores. Have I become domesticated? Am I somewhere between the goldfish and house cat? Well my cleaning music was a selection of Swedish melodic death metal, so that's a quality mixture of the two.

It's been about three days since I last had a smoke, I got through a lot of the addiction since November so it's not that difficult right now. What is difficult is trying to re wire my brain so that it knows that I don't like smoking whatsoever, not even socially. I sit jealous of Andy of the future once more even though he's got his own troubles.

I took the opportunity to work down my DVD pile a little bit, get some of them onto the shelves. Quiet day in general, was hoping to catch up with Eliza, she got back from India early last week and I can't wait to hear some stories.

During my evening jog I heard a loud bang from somewhere in the vicinity, but paid little heed until I got back to the main road and noticed all the electricities had run aways. Indeed it had spread to my house, so I didn't bother stopping. Kept walking the long way round to the park near my house and sat for a while. You get all sorts of corny thoughts in the middle of a black out, well I do anyway. I always think of people scrambling around because the TVs cut out or they can't get their Facebook fix. It doesn't make me laugh pretentiously, if I'd been home I'd be kicking the wall with the vague hope it would somehow get my music back on. Instead I was sitting on a bench in near pitch black admiring the stars, sure that some of those stars must be UFOs and every moving light in the sky (helicopter) is actually a nuclear missile careening towards central Brisbane. I can't be the only one that always scopes my current position for the perfect place to duck for cover in case of a blast? It's an old habit.

I wouldn't have been able to do that a year ago. I'd have been having a panic attack every time I saw something move in the shadows. That made me feel much better, that I am the Andy of the future that I once cursed at some point in the past... Does that make sense? Should I draw a diagram? Well one day I'll be looking back on the problems I have now and smile over the fact that they're not a problem any more. Of course I've still got to connect the dots or I'll never reach that point. I just confused myself. Do over! I woke this morning to find...

Night all, music reviews tomorrow, very look forward very!!

Andy Scott